While the Mistress of the Manor is busy with her pencils, scratch, scratch, scratching away, secluded up in her little studio. who, pray tell will take over as editor and chief of our Gazette???
Can such a responsibility be given to the Duck and Goose folk?
Good heavens, NO! All they care about is splashing in the water and painting their toenails.
What about the residents of the barn?
Oh puh-lease! Do these look like people you can trust with really important news?!
All they think about is FOOD!
Besides, they have a lot of laundry to do.
Perhaps some Woodland folk could lend a hand... er paw.
Well, so much for THAT idea!
And what about these folks, can we expect high quality reporting here?
I THINK NOT!
is what they do best, I daresay.
Therefore, as always, the job falls to me, the ever dependable, inquisitive, loyal and willing.... Mavis Mudd,
Reporter extraordinaire, collector of juicy gossip AND the most intelligent, industrious, and humble of all the residents of the Hollow.
And THIS is what I have to report today. Do you remember Just Jane Black?
Why, it seems like only yesterday she was writing forlorn letters to Dear Dolores, asking for advice on how to attract a suitor, being that poor Jane is such a plain and ordinary little chicken with so few prospects. (Quite unlike myself. Suffice it to say that I, have never been at a loss for male companionship and am constantly being wooed)
Well. Jane disappeared a while back and talk was that she had given up any hope of love and had traveled to distant lands, becoming a foreign correspondent.
When lo and behold! Who does Mistress discover hiding in a gully, in the snow, with 5 little chickpeas???
JUST JANE BLACK!
And do you think Jane will tell any of us the who, what and wherefore of all this? Not a bit! She just spends her days spoiling those little chicklets and strutting about with a coy attitude and a glint in her red eyes.
But, trust me, dear reader, I shall find out the skinny on the story, to be sure!
And, I hear tell, that Fionna Goosefeathers has ordered a new bonnet from the Sears and Roebuck catalog, this one to be exact
Has she no respect, doesn't she KNOW this hat has feathers on it!!! And where does she think THOSE came from?
My word! She has a perfectly good bonnet now.
Heavens to Betsy, I'VE been wearing the same hat for 3 years.
And that is not all, indeed, she has ordered a corset as well!
I stopped wearing these long ago, they are so confining, and I am a 20th century chicken lady, by golly.
Of course, we all know why she has gone to these efforts. She has set her cap on Hamish, goose dude deluxe.
For she has changed from ugly gosling
to beautiful goose lady since coming to live with us.
She stated, when first she set eyes upon Hamish, that, "When I grow up, I am going to marry him!"
But now, she has become quite full of herself, knowing that the Mistress will soon be drawing her portrait, AND she gets a special page in the Mistress's new book. Her vanity is going to be simply unbearable. Nevertheless, she has her work cut out for her with Hamish.
For this gorgeous goose man has set HIS cap on someone ELSE. And you will never guess who!!! A human!!! In Minnesota!!! What on earth is he thinking!.
We will do our best matchmaking for dear Fionna,( despite all her vanity), for she will make a much more suitable companion for Hamish. After all, how many humans are willing to dive ten feet deep into a muddy pond, eat tadpoles and party in the cattails all through the night?
Well, I will keep you informed of all the latest!
Signing off for now.... Yours Truly, Mavis Mudd of "Scratchin in the Dirt"