Hopalong Hollow....

Hopalong Hollow, where the Blueberries grow sweet, and the moss feels soft beneath your feet.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Dear Dolores... Advice for the lovelorn, faint of heart and downright confused.

Have a Nagging Problem in your life? Just Ask Dolores, she'll set you straight!

          Dear Dolores, I am so lonely... you see I am just a little black hen... a very plain little black hen. In fact, The Mistress thought I was so uninteresting that she named me just that, Little Black Hen.When at last, she did give me a name it was Jane, just Jane! Well,that is really beside the point, because no eligible rooster would give me the time of day, even if my name was Rosamaria Penelope Anne! I sit here on my perch and watch as those Buxom Blond sisters are followed all over the meadow by every handsome man chicken-dude, and have even overheard them described as  Hot Blond Bombshells!

But me, I am just invisible. My question is, Do you think I should dye my feathers a flashy, brassy blond or perhaps a soft platinum color? Do Blonds really have more fun?? It certainly seems that way. Yours Truly,  Just Jane Black

 Dear Jane, Surely Jane, you have heard that beauty comes from within your little chickie heart and soul.. But how to release it for others to see?  May  I suggest you purchase a very wide red straw bonnet, festooned with bits of whole corn, grains and whole fruits and nuts. I have never known a rooster who would choose  a flashy bit of feathers over a delicious meal. Why, you could have an entire slew of admirers as long as you keep your hat well-stocked at all times. As the roosters are pecking the goodies off your hat, entertain them with your wit and charm, tell some sassy jokes, and learn how to wink suggestively. If all of this fails, I suggest you use the dye called,  Bright Yellow Cornsilk, it is a real rooster magnet!   Happy Hunting! Dolores

 Dear Dolores,  As a Redbone Coonhound, certain things are expected of me. I am suppose to scare possums, tree raccoons and keep the foxes at bay. The problem is... I'd rather not. Doggone it! I just don't have it in me to growl  and grumble as the raccoons eat from ma dog dish, peacocks roost on ma doghouse and the chickens taunt me fer smellin so doggone stinky. Shoot, I need to hide under the house when it rains, becuz them raindrops kin be mighty frightenin when they are pourin down from the clouds and the thunder is rumblin and the lightnin flashes cross the sky. Doggone it, the very thought of it makes me want to hide under the house right this minute. I gotta go! Ezra

Dear Ezra, I can only conclude from your letter that you, sir, you are a lazy liverlily! As a member of the hound family myself, I must say you are behaving quite disgracefully and giving all of us a bad name. First off, TAKE A BATH, no one wants a smelly dog around. If I were your mother, I would tan your hide, (of course, I am far too young to be your mother, maybe your sister)
 I don't wish to be harsh, I realize you are just a gentle soul, and you needn't treat the the wood land creatures with disdain, but to accept taunting from chicken folk, good grief! MAN UP, DOG! Just remember,  it only takes one deep throated bark to strike terror in the hearts of even the most obnoxious chicken. They will never know that deep inside you are shivering in your paws. You don't have to mean it, they will never know. And perhaps, you will feel better about yourself after wards.

  As for the rainstorms, no need to be ashamed. I too have been known to cower under the bed when the skies turn black...but I do it discreetly. Sincerely Yours, Dolores

   Dear Dolores, Far be it from me to ask advice from a dog, and I am not asking for myself, but for a dear friend. My dear friend has this problem, you see, she suffers from an acute case of fish breath. That wouldn't be so bad, she likes fish... a lot! In fact, the fish in the gold fish bowl are disappearing at an alarming rate and my sister, I mean my friend, keeps getting blamed for it! WHY?? Just because I have a little fishy smell on my breath?!! I mean, my friend has a little fishy smell on her breath and a wet paw, too??!!  It just isn't right to be blamed for something you've not done! What can I,,, I mean she, do about this problem?

  Dear Peepers, Hmmm, I smell something fishy here. In fact, knowing felines as I do, I suspect your "friend"...ahem,may not be a completely honest about this, after all, everyone KNOWS how downright sneaky and underhanded felines can be. But alas, mine is not to judge ones appetites,( do, let's be honest!). I do like to sneak a bite of jellied muffin off the mistress's plate when she turns her head for a mere minute or two. And IF I should be caught red-handed, I don't worry about my jelly breath, I simply stare at her with my big, liquid brown eyes, tilt my head to the side and simper slightly. Problem solved! Perhaps, when your "friend", ahem, is accused of stealing fishies, she needn't worry about her breath, rather take a page from the "Butter Wouldn't Melt In My Mouth" playbook, rub against  the Mistress's leg, purr coyly and flutter the eye lashes a few times. Maybe  she'll even open a can of Little Friskies for you... I mean your "friend". Best of Luck! Dolores
Need some advice? Just ASK DOLORES!


  1. your soooo funny! you tell lovely stories!
    It is always a pleasure to come over for a visit...
    did you publish ever?

  2. THIS WAS AMAZINGLY ENTERTAINING....ahem......hmmmmph....I mean, wow Dolores, you are quite the Ann Landers of the farm world! So eloquent, so wise! I must send Tea Rat and Rattus to you to get some etiquette lessons! And is Mavis Mudd your colleague? I can see you both, stirring up the waters! AND SOME ADVICE FOR THAT LITTLE BLACK HEN: dearest, you are simply gorgeous as is! I am dark haired too, and have been overlooked by the bucks over blonds many times, but KEEP ON MOVING! One day, your rooster will come!

    teeeeheeeee! This was a hoot.....

  3. That was so delightful!!!!! You really do have a way with words for young and old.

    Thank you for taking time away from your artwork to give us many smiles and joy in our hearts.


  4. What a wonderfully creative post! I love it!

  5. Oh Anna, I have two Children's Story- Picture books published and a third in the works.

    Anita, A little note from Jane to you," Dear, wise Anita, While on my way to purchase a box of "Bright and Sassy Sunflower Yellow" feather dye, I thought of what you said. I turned straight around and headed back to my barnyard. And what do you think? The most charming and handsome rooster man stopped me for conversation and complemented me on my raven-like locks of feathers and said mine was a lovely shade of charcoal! Then he walked me all the way home and asked if I would like to join him for grits and cornbread after his morning cockadoodle doo!!! I think I have found my Romeo... in fact, THAT IS his name! Oh JOY!"

    Rainey, I forgot to tell you that is a French Braid and easy to learn.You can braid over OR under, and have a completely different look. Try it, Your hair is just the right color!

    Kelly, Thank you for visiting us here in the nut house, you must be one of us!

  6. *applauds loudly* Here, here! That was great.

  7. Teeeeheeee! I knew your rooster would come! SEE? You be yourself, and good things do come in interesting packages.....on two feet! ENJOY BEING YOU!!!! Do you know little black hen, when I was young, I was an actress. I tried out for a commercial and the director told me to dye my hair blond so I could get jobs! I am Spanish and I told him to get.........! teeeeeheeeee....I was once spicy Spaniard! I said, "WHAT? I would just look like a Mexican with dyed hair! I REFUSE!!" I just walked out of their with my black-haired head held high!


  8. Deanna, Dolores thanks you for your support!
    Anita, a courtship is well under way.

  9. Jeri
    I just love to read your stories! What fun this was.. You bring out the child in me.
    I am sure your books capture children of all ages.. Wonderful!
    Warm regards,
    Penny & Bebe

  10. Dear Penny,You have quite a wonderful imagination yourself! Dear Bebe, Peepers said she would reallllly like to meet you, she just loves little mousies. I recommend you stay far, far away, I do not trust her one bit!


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