So who is in charge around here??!!!

While the Mistress of the Manor is busy with her pencils, scratch, scratch, scratching away, secluded up in her little studio. who, pray tell will take over as editor and chief of our Gazette???

..

 Can such a responsibility be  given to the Duck and Goose folk?

.

 Good heavens, NO! All they care about is splashing in the water and painting their toenails.

.

 What about the residents of the barn?

Oh puh-lease! Do these look like people you can trust with really important news?!

All they think about is FOOD!

  Besides, they have a lot of laundry to do.

.

  Perhaps some Woodland folk could lend a hand... er paw.

.

  Well, so much for THAT idea!

 And what about these folks, can we expect high quality reporting here?

.

  I THINK NOT!

;

 Since sleeping,

  is what they do best, I daresay.

  Therefore, as always, the job falls to me, the ever dependable, inquisitive, loyal and willing.... Mavis Mudd,

'

Reporter extraordinaire, collector of juicy gossip AND the most intelligent, industrious,  and humble of all the residents of the Hollow. 

 And THIS is what I have to report today. Do you remember Just Jane Black?

 Why, it seems like only yesterday she was writing forlorn letters to Dear Dolores, asking for advice on how to attract a suitor, being that  poor Jane is such a plain and ordinary little chicken with so few prospects. (Quite unlike myself. Suffice it to say that I, have never been at a loss for male companionship and am constantly being wooed)

 Well. Jane disappeared a while back and talk was that she had given up any hope of love and  had traveled to distant lands, becoming a foreign correspondent.

 When lo and behold! Who does Mistress discover hiding in a gully, in the snow, with 5 little chickpeas???

  JUST JANE BLACK!

And do you think Jane will tell any of us the who, what and wherefore of all this? Not a bit! She just spends her days spoiling those little chicklets and strutting about with a coy attitude and  a glint in her red eyes. 

 But, trust me, dear reader, I shall find out the skinny on the story, to be sure!

 And, I hear tell, that Fionna Goosefeathers   has ordered a new bonnet from the Sears and Roebuck catalog, this one to be exact

.

 Has she no respect, doesn't she KNOW this hat has feathers on it!!! And where does she think THOSE came from?

 My word! She has a perfectly good bonnet now.

 Heavens to Betsy, I'VE been wearing the same hat for 3 years.

,

  And that is not all, indeed, she has ordered a corset as well!

;

 I stopped wearing these long ago, they are so confining, and I am a 20th century chicken lady, by golly.

  Of course,  we all know why she has gone to these efforts. She has set her cap on Hamish, goose dude deluxe.

For she has changed from ugly gosling

 to beautiful goose lady since coming to live with us.

.

 She stated, when first  she set eyes upon Hamish, that, "When I grow up, I am going to marry him!"

  But now, she has become quite full of herself, knowing that the Mistress will soon be drawing her portrait, AND she gets a special page in the Mistress's new book. Her vanity is going to be simply unbearable. Nevertheless,  she has her work cut out for her with Hamish. 

 For this gorgeous goose man  has set HIS cap on someone ELSE. And you will never guess who!!! A human!!! In Minnesota!!! What on earth is he thinking!.

  We will do our best matchmaking for dear Fionna,( despite all her vanity), for she will make a much more suitable companion for Hamish. After all, how many humans are willing to dive ten feet deep into a muddy pond, eat tadpoles and party in the cattails all through the night?

 Well, I will keep you informed of all the latest!

  Signing off for now.... Yours Truly, Mavis Mudd of  "Scratchin in the Dirt"

"Scratchin in the Dirt" a new gossip column by Mavis Mud

"Well, the job seems to have fallen to me (since the unfortunate demise of our dear Fiona Goosefeathers, may she rest in peace), to take over the job of Gossip Columnist for the Gazette. But, I always knew I could dish dirt with the best of em!

   Allow me to introduce myself- Mavis Mudd- mother of 3 sets of triplets, a dozen sets of twins and 21 little runts. I have, of late, taken on the role of foster mother as well. Also, I am the widow of the late and dearly beloved, "Mister Red Rooster" ( beloved by at least 7 others, besides myself, and those are just the ones I know about!) 

 What I DO know is this: at his funeral- at which he was conspicuous by his absence, seeing as how he was carried off by a devious fox,put into a pot and turned into Chicken Fricassee!

Oh, the very thought of Fricassee sends prickles up and down my back feathers! All that was left to bury was a downy red feather. Upon his gravestone were the words:

"Here lie the remains of Mister Red Rooster,

Otherwise known as 'Lover Boy'

He was

The best of the best, 

A Cockadoodledoo above all the rest!" ),

But as I was saying, at his funeral there was nary a dry eye in the barn. Fat little hens came from far and wide to blow into their hankies and share anecdotes about MY husband! Including that little tart, Miss Mulberry, who struts around here like a Peacock! She is such a hussy. Which brings me to today's bit of mud.... the Peabody Boys.

As soon as the Mistress brought them home, I knew there would be trouble. There they stood in those flashy clothes...Did no one ever tell them that stripes and polka dots clash?

They pretended to be shy and bashful, but I knew that beneath those fancy clothes and finery there lurked hearts of ill-will. And it didn't take long to see it.

    First there was the mysterious case of the fuchia blossoms....WELL, not so mysterious to moi! I saw those sneaky buzzards  picking off the mistress's blooms one by one. I felt it my duty to tell her everything, but she just giggled and scolded them not to ever, ever do that again. Hah! If she was serious , she wouldn't let them lounge on the porch...

whenever they please...

and stare at their reflections in the window for hours and hours.

 Oh... they think they are soooo handsome. I will tell you what handsome is...

 

This is Handsome.

 Now, if we chicken folk set so much as one sharp toenail upon that porch, it is the broom-stick for us!

 And then there is the ridiculous little dance they do..

First. they spread their tail feathers,

                 Then, they shake and wiggle their bottoms with a flutter and a fluff,

they do the hokey, pokey and they turn themselves around,

/

three steps forward, two steps back.

.

I mean REALLY, how about a good old fashioned square dance? That is what we chickens like. And just who are they trying to impress anyway?

 These girls???

Well, I can tell you that my dearest friends and I have no interest, whatsoever in such self absorbed, vain, dandies.

So they can just sit in the trees,

In that self-important manner, and think about THAT!

That is, if they are not smack dab in the middle of the Mistress gardens, squashing her delicate forget me nots and snapping off the zinnia heads.... Hmmph!

And all the mistress says is. 'Oh, aren't they just lovely?'

Hmmmph!

It just goes to show, 

you can get away with anything...if you are beautiful."

.